Phone jokes
Your mum is so stupid, when she went on your phone it got fat.
Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
I found this game, it's like flappy bird: https://terrorist.group/
The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.
Orphans don't have phones because the home button doesn't work.
Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.
People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."
Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.
Except it had no home button.
I asked my phone why I couldn't get a date.
It showed a picture of myself.
I bet emo kids are jealous when their phone dies.
What do you call 2 wings and a halo?
A Chinese phone call: "Wing wing halo!" 🤪
Why can Asian people buy phones?
'Cause they might call the wrong number.
Why can’t orphans use a phone? Because they can't find the home button.
I can't believe the suicide hotline put my cousin on hold. They left him hanging.
What is an orphan's hated movie line?
E.T. phone home.
Teacher: I’m gonna call your parents.
Orphan: Go on, see if they pick up.
(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?