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Phone jokes

Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.

Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."

I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*

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    • Man: Hey Siri!

    Siri: Yes?

    Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?

    Siri: Uh...

    *phone literally explodes*

    I never knew what my dad's job was.

    One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"

    My dad answered...

    Two plus two is four. Minus one, that's three, quick maths. Every day, man's on the block. Smoke trees (Ah). See your girl in the park. That girl is a uckers. When the ting went quack-quack-quack You man were ducking (You man ducked). Hold tight, Asznee (My brudda). He's got the pumpy (Big ting). Hold tight, my man (My guy). He's got the frisbee (Few). I trap, trap, trap on the phone Movin' that cornflakes (Uh). Rice Krispies. Hold tight, my girl Whitney (My G). On, on, on, on, on the road doin' 10 toes Like my toes (Like my toes). You man thought I froze. I see a peng girl, then I pose (Chilin'). If she ain't on it, I ghost. Hah, look at your nose (Check your nose, fam). You donut. Nose long like garden hose.

    I'm really bored. Can someone talk with me? None of my friends are responding to me :(

    One day I was on my phone, then I got a text message from my girlfriend, "Hey, sexy boy, wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean...?" Then I just stopped and froze. I read the message. I said, "Yeah, sure..." She replied really fast, "There's going to be a few people there, ok." But I didn't read the next message... She said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." But I didn't read it. I walked into her house, but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise, and it sounded like HER!! So I hid behind the couch, and I looked through the open door and saw something I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!

    Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.

    VOTING QUARTERFINAL 4

    LIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

    DISLIKE: When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

    Vote for the better joke. Semifinals are later or tomorrow.

    Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

    If my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship, I would never be able to play on my phone.

    Why are there not that many phones in China? Because there’s too much Wing and Wong, so they will "wing" the wrong number.

    I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.

    I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

    When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.

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    • If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?

    Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!

    Hi, this is a good prank I did.

    So, my brother LOVES his phone and so... I put it in the toilet and then flushed it, but it wouldn't go down. So, then I gave it to him and he threw it and then it broke. HAHAHAHAHAHA

    (Prankster, tell me if you don't like me doing pranks because it is your thing.)

    Bye guys! I hope you liked this prank! (And his phone did not really break, it just cracked really bad lol)

    I broke up with my ex girlfriend. Here's her number.

    Sike, that's the wrong number!

    ooooooooooooooooooooo