The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
Stephen Hawking tried to charge his phone and unplugged his life support.
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his son wanted to charge their phone, so they unplugged him.
My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.
Who did Stephen call when he crashed?... The geek squad.
Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"
Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!
Your momma so fat, when she stepped on the weighing scales, her phone number came up!
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin mobile.
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
Yo mama so stupid she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?
Call her on the phone.
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
