Phone Jokes

I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...

Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

how do you call a cop

thru the phone

(my puns are bad)

why do orphans have phones? because they don't know how to call home

Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!

I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.

What do Cells always have on them?

A Cell Phone!

What do cells call their friends with? A cell phone.

What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?

"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"

What phone do orphans have?

An iPhone 10R.

Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."

How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?

A blender.

How do you get them out?

A straw.

A boy walks into some woods with a phone, and his friend comes by and asks, "What are you doing?"

He pauses, then says, "Trying some bird calls!"

I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.

What happens when you search nudes on my phone?

Nothing, I don't have any.

So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"

My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.

Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?

Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.

Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!

Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?

Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.

What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

Why can't a blonde call 911?

She can't find the 11.