My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
Personal Jokes
As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.
Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.
Are people too thick to realize the difference between a fruit, a vegetable, and a person?
The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:
"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"
How do you kill a spider?
Just get an autistic person.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair that lives in Africa?
Dry Vegetable.
What do you call a bald person on fire?
A fried egg.
If a blind person can’t see, then do they sleep?
They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep.
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?
It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.
Person: Did you hear about the black chick on the front of the bus?
Friend: No?
Person: Exactly.
A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."
What do you call a person in America that is not a retard?
A foreign exchange student.
How to kick a deaf person off the plane:
Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.
Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.
Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.
What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.
Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.
Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.
A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."
He couldn't shoot straight.
What did God say to the black person?
"Oops, I burned one."😳
Not racist, just funny.
I gave a blind person a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
Person one: What did the DJ name his son?
Person two: IDK, what?
Person one: Erik (while making a DJ motion).
