Personal jokes

Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.

So, a guy walks into a gas station and walks to the person working and says, "Can I have a Kit Kat Chunky?" So she gets him one, and then he says, "No, I want a normal Kit Kat, you fat bitch!"

There was a fancy dress party; the theme was emotions.

One guy came dressed in green, and he was envy; another person came dressed in red, and she was anger; another guy came dressed in blue, and he was sadness. Two Indians came, one came with a hole in a pear and his d*** was in the pear, said he was deep in dis"pear." The other Indian came with his d*** in custard, and he said he was f***ing dicustard!

What's a suicidal person's favorite drink?

The depressay expressay.

Just kidding, bleach!

Here are some skeleton jokes.

You know the average person tries too hard and works himself to the bone.

If that joke didn't tickle your funny bone, I can give you a real humorous joke.

I used to play the trumpet, now I play the xylo-bone.

I'm always happy; nothing gets under my skin.

I made you some turkey for lunch. Bone appetit!

I'm glad I had you; I'm no longer bonely.

I've got a skele-ton of more jokes, but I'm just giving you one more.

Did you hear about the skeleton ninja? He was very skullful (skillful)!

So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.

The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.

Name one person who would take an orphan?

Michael Jackson, so they can play all night.

Are people too thick to realize the difference between a fruit, a vegetable, and a person?

Next person that says 67, I am gonna yell "9/11" and sweep their feet.

Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?

How do you piss off a color blind person?

Give them a Rubik's cube.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a Black person? One gets paid, the other got enslaved.

How do you kill a spider?

Just get an autistic person.

What do you call a person in a wheelchair that lives in Africa?

Dry Vegetable.

What do you call a bald person on fire?

A fried egg.

If a blind person can’t see, then do they sleep?

They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep.

Why did the man miss the funeral?

He wasn’t a mourning person.

As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.

Why can't there be a gay disabled person?

Because a fruit can't be the same as a vegetable.

Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”

Person 2: “Seven.”

Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”

Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”

(Based on an encounter I had recently)