Personal jokes
What is a self-harm person's favorite game?
Fruit Ninja.
A teacher asked a class who killed Goliath. The first pupil said he wasn’t the one. The second said he doesn’t know. No one knew in the class.
The teacher got furious and dashed to the Head Master’s office to report. Immediately, the head master followed him back to the class with a cane. He growled- “If no one tells me who killed Goliath in this class, you will see fire!” Everyone in the class insisted on the fact that it wasn’t them.
Then the Head master looked at the teacher and said- “Mr. Dapo, are you sure that the person who killed Goliath is in this class?” The teacher fainted.
Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.
I gave a blind person a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
What do you call a person with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you told them twice.
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.
So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.
What do an orphan and a blind person have in common? They both can't see their parents.
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
A person told an orphan to not move; otherwise, they would kill their parents. What did the orphan do?
It danced its a** off.
So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.
Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.
Anyways, she cried lol.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
Your mama is so fat, it said "To be continued..." then it loaded and said "One person at a time!"
What do you call a person that can't operate a wheelchair?
Stephen Hawking.
When a person yells, just laugh and remember that they can’t hurt what’s already dead.
When I throw a dodge ball at a person taller than me, it's always a nut shot.
A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."
He couldn't shoot straight.
What do cannibals call a person that is running?
Fast food.
"I’m going through a lot of things right now," I said frustratedly to the person on the line as I crashed straight through the next building in my car.