Performance jokes
I had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet.
For 20 seconds.
And only once... :(
I’m a clown...
And everyone knows.
How do you make a juggler laugh? You tickle his balls.
Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.
The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"
Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!
You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!
Wanna hear a paper joke? Nvm, it's terrible.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?
HAAAAAANNNNDDDDEEEEEEYYYYEEEEEE!
How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker is like Heath Ledger if he overdosed on prescription drugs... Oh, wait. He already did.
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
It ain't always having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.
What do you call a magician with no magic? A dyslexic c**t.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!