Employer: Can you perform under pressure?
Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?
Christmas!
Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?
He wanted to see a floor show.
Why do musicians in New Orleans smell so good?
Because they're jasmine (jazz men)!
My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.
I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.
I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"
I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.
There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.
Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.
Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..." *poof* ... He disappeared without a tres.
I had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet.
For 20 seconds.
And only once... :(
I’m a clown...
And everyone knows.
How do you make a juggler laugh? You tickle his balls.
Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.
The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"
Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!
You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?
HAAAAAANNNNDDDDEEEEEEYYYYEEEEEE!
How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
