A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "uno, dos..." and poof! He disappears without a tres.
Friend: If u don't like my bad jokes I will tell some stand up comedy. Me: But u are not standing:)
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
A drum rolled down a hill. Ba-dum-tsssh!
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
My music teacher was investigated, but she was the one that taught me my fingerings.
Yo mama's so ugly and her voice is so loud that The X Factor doesn't want or need her to show up to the performances when she sings
Stephen Hawking is a real stand up guy, outSTANDing performance.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.
