People jokes

You really can't call Stalin bad. Just think about the people that wanted to die.

Vegetarian: I prefer plants.

Herbivore: I just like food.

Cannibal: I'm a people person.

Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said, "Why are there so many people under me?"

Black people are living proof we evolved from monkeys.

If a girl jumps off a cliff, some people call it suicide and some call it girl power, but I call it BULLSHIT.

Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?

Because every play has a cast.

No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.

I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"

Don't drink and park.

Accidents cause people.

What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?

A seizure salad.

People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.

1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.

2. We all give each other a hand when needed.

Last but not least, we play Twister.

There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.

Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?

A: They get their shit packed the night before.

Yo mama is so fat when she sees a bus full of white people, she thinks it's a Twinkie, lmao xd.

What died on 9/11?

2,996 people.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a PC?

When my PC crashes, I actually give a fuck.

Slavery has existed in the western world for 3 centuries, but in the Arab regions it has existed before and is still going on, so why don’t people talk about it?

Because it’s only bad when white people do it.

So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."

He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."

Not all self-harmers are emo, but all emos self-harm.

Why don't Amish people water ski?

Because their horses would drown.