People jokes

Hillary Clinton is elected president...

And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."

The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."

On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."

I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 murdered 37 children and 41 adults during the ages of 31-35 years old.

She was then sentenced to a 35 year sentence (Colombian stuff) and came out 70 years old. She then continued to go on a spree and murder 41 more people, in 2 months. 3 years later, 6 stabbed 7 as they were friends. 6 was not sentenced, but deemed a hero. He never forgets that moment. Her soul not floating above, but screaming from the torture it's receiving.

Guns don't kill people, black people kill people.

Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.

Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.

Slavery has existed in the western world for 3 centuries, but in the Arab regions it has existed before and is still going on, so why don’t people talk about it?

Because it’s only bad when white people do it.

Hello, this is Godlygirl26. I want to help people with their problems no matter what. There is nothing that God cannot do. I want y'all to know that God is with you, not any of those stone or wood "gods" but a true, loving, powerful God. DM this right here and I will answer. Hope I can help you! Love, Godlygirl26.

Why do people keep saying, "Why did the toilet paper not cross?" Because it got stuck in the crack, because it got stuck in their crack.

What do fire and people have in common?

They will both eventually die out.

Dark humor is like food: Not everybody gets it.

Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said, "Why are there so many people under me?"

As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...

Black people are living proof we evolved from monkeys.

If a girl jumps off a cliff, some people call it suicide and some call it girl power, but I call it BULLSHIT.

Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...

Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.

Why can Asian people buy phones?

'Cause they might call the wrong number.

Two Asian people have a black baby.

Something wrong.

I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"

People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.

1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.

2. We all give each other a hand when needed.

Last but not least, we play Twister.

When the quiet kid lost a game of basketball and reaches into his bag,

other people in the gym: "Oh shit this nigga bout to shoot."