People Jokes

Yo mama is so fat when she sees a bus full of white people, she thinks it's a Twinkie, lmao xd.

What died on 9/11?

2,996 people.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a PC?

When my PC crashes, I actually give a fuck.

So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."

He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."

Not all self-harmers are emo, but all emos self-harm.

A four-panel cartoon shows a person sitting at a desk. In the first panel, the text says "How to acquire internet points." In the second panel, the person is writing on a paper. In the third panel, the person holds up the paper which reads "only people with a big pp will upvote this post". In the fourth panel, the person is leaning back in their chair with arms behind their head and the text "GENIUS." is written above.

Why don't Amish people water ski?

Because their horses would drown.

What the fuck is wrong with people?

Bro, I love hanging out with white people, it's either we play Yahtzee, or we playin' Nazi.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

Answer: 9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 5 seconds.

Five out of six people agree that Russian Roulette is safe.

There is a Mexican, white guy, a Jew, and a Black man on top of the Empire State Building.

First, the Mexican and the Jew throw themselves off of the building saying, "This is for my people!"

Then the Black man is next up to jump and says, "This is for my people!"

And throws the White man off of the building.

What do you call a dwarf with borderline autism? Jimothy.

I don't like it when people make jokes about 9/11, because we lost 19 great patriots that day.

Slavery has existed in the western world for 3 centuries, but in the Arab regions it has existed before and is still going on, so why don’t people talk about it?

Because it’s only bad when white people do it.

Guns don't kill people, black people kill people.

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.

The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."

"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.

"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.