People jokes

Two people are under the covers. The man says, "Quote the Beatles: Come together!"

One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,

"What part of the dog did you get?"

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

Why do people want to jump off buildings?

Because they want to become Superman.

Don't make fun of fat people. They already have a lot on their plate.

All of the people disliking this category are probably emo.

So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.

Imagine being such a low life that you need people to roast you to have stuff to do.

Emos are dark people....

...So why are they all white?

Goths are even darker...

SO WHY ARE THEY WHITER!?

A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!

When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."

Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.

Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.

I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.

Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.

What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.

What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.

What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.

Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.

What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.

Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.

Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.

Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.

Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?

Because God doesn't punish someone twice.

I see some objects over there... oh, never mind, that's a woman.

You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.

We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.

What are Michael Jackson's favorite sodas? Yoo-hoo-hoo and Mountain Dew-hoo-hoo. What cola company should people get to keep him at bay? Pep-see-hee.

You know how people say white men can’t jump? Well, you should check the 9/11 footage.

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?

They have both had a few strokes.

People wear chokers, and I'm a choker too, because I tried to choke myself 6 times.