People jokes
People: You're ugly.
Me: Ok.
People: I hate you.
Me: Cool, IDC.
People: You're annoying.
Me: Good for me.
People: BTS is dumb.
Me: I'll give you 5 seconds to run!
When I was little, I used to think that the people in cartoons were real people...until I turned 7. I realized that it was just people doing voices. Sad, isn't it?
"Knife to meet you all!"
I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.
True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.
(Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
Good news, people! Michael Jackson is still alive. They found him hidden away in a goat pen with all the kids!
Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied? Because they can never stand up for themselves.
Want to hear a joke?
Your face.
Why can't people in wheelchairs pass high school?
The pacer test.
Two people are under the covers. The man says, "Quote the Beatles: Come together!"
The greatest doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grabs one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are too young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
What do you call a pool full of handicapped people?
Vegetable soup.
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
Why do black people call each other brothers? Because they don't know who their fathers are.
Hoes be like, "I've been through a lot."
No, a lot's been through you.
How are Kobe’s death and people in 9/11 the same? They both hit the ground really hard.