People jokes

Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."

Hoes be like, "I've been through a lot."

No, a lot's been through you.

How are Kobe’s death and people in 9/11 the same? They both hit the ground really hard.

I only trust people that like big butts... they cannot lie.

People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.

People are like sharks; only the great ones are white.

I heard guns kill people, so I gave up my right to own one.

Then I heard dicks rape people, so I chopped it off.

Yo mama is so huge, when she was born everyone died.

What kind of cars do Mexicans drive?

A Juanda.

In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.

One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”

A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”

The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."

I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.

I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.

One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!

People on the Titanic were cracking up at my jokes, so did the Titanic. No, really, the Titanic cracked in half!

Hello, I am Sflugo. I am opening the Pro Orphan Joke Club because a lot of people are saying to get rid of them, but we say NO! If you want to join, comment and say, "#SaveOrphanJokes."

Why don’t Chinese people model? Because it would look like the same model every time.

I hate when people make jokes about the Twin Towers.

My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.

How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"

People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.

Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.