Pedophile jokes
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr. Baker was probably a baker. Mr. Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr. Dickinson...
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?
A pedophile.
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."
I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"
A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."
What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.
A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”
How many times can 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out.