Then: You want free candy?
Now: You want free Wi-Fi?
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
Where do pedophiles go hunting?
Elementary schools.
What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?
"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"
What shoes does a pedophile wear?
White vans.
you.
Greg fucking steals toes!
Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr. Baker was probably a baker. Mr. Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr. Dickinson...
What do you call a pedophile who's dying? You.
Lol, dick, I'm the dick and duck.
What's a pedophile's favorite place to go in?
Kum and Go.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.
Who make hard candy for the kids?
Solve.
Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.
Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"
I wish you guys all died.
