Park jokes
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.
Why are women like parking spots?
Because all of the good ones are always taken first, and you gotta wait until they're available again.
The other day I was in the park and got bored, so I found an orphan and punched him in the face, laughed at him, and said, "Whatcha gonna do, tell your parents?"
Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?
He kept cutting in line.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
I really like
I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.
LBB- me and Shrek built a theme park for you mummy and it’s called Dummy pee pee poo poo doo doo land because Shrek likes to poop.
Shrek- Should I pull the trap?
*LBB’s mom walks into the trap*
LBB and Shrek- surprise we’re mailing you to Peepoo Peepoo AB
There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.
Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.
After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
If you park your tow truck on the footpath, it'll get towed.
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
Wow, no SP jokes?
Ashton Parkes.
"What do you do with your free time?"
"I stalk."
"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."
"I know."
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."