Park Jokes

Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.

The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."

The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"

One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"

If you were to ask me, "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?" I would say a multi-storey car park, because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.

What’s the difference between Rosa Parks and Muhammad Ali?

One fought for freedom, the other fought for fun.

Us: haha penis.

Korea: That sounds like a park name.

I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.

A young girl was playing in the park with her mother when she asked the question, "Mummy, what's that building over there?" The mother looked at the prison, smiled, and said, "That's where the cotton pickers live."

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

That's the last time we park the TARDIS outside the portaloos at Glastonbury!

Do you ever get that feeling where you're just going through a school parking lot, then you realize that there are no parking lots?

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.

Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got "fine" written all over you.

Why can't orphans go to an amusement park?

Because they don't have parents!

Leo must be a parking ticket... not because of the “fine” thing, nah, it’s because she’s OVERSTAYED her WELCOME.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

If you park your tow truck on the footpath, it'll get towed.

Your mama's so fat, when she went to the baseball tournament, she knocked everyone out of the park.

You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?

So, a mom and a dad are having sex. Their daughter comes down and says, "Mommy, Mommy, what are you doing?"

The mom goes, "Uh, we're making a cake. Let's go back to bed." So she tucks her daughter in and says, "We will go to the park tomorrow."

So the next day they go to the park, and two teens are going at it in some bushes, and the little girl goes, "Mommy, Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

So they go home, and the mom tucked her into bed and says, "Tomorrow we will go to the zoo." And so the next day they go to the zoo, and two monkeys are going at it, and the girl goes, "Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

And so they go home, and the girl goes, "Mommy, did you and Daddy make a cake last night?" And the mom nervously says, "N-no, why?" And the little girl goes, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

Yo mama so fat, she was mistaken for Eric Cartman from South Park.

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A pitbull in a children's play area.