Park jokes

The other day I was in the park and got bored, so I found an orphan and punched him in the face, laughed at him, and said, "Whatcha gonna do, tell your parents?"

A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.

They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.

Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.

The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."

The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"

One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"

A young girl was playing in the park with her mother when she asked the question, "Mummy, what's that building over there?" The mother looked at the prison, smiled, and said, "That's where the cotton pickers live."

Us: haha penis.

Korea: That sounds like a park name.

If you were to ask me, "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?" I would say a multi-storey car park, because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.

I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

Do you ever get that feeling where you're just going through a school parking lot, then you realize that there are no parking lots?

That's the last time we park the TARDIS outside the portaloos at Glastonbury!

Leo must be a parking ticket... not because of the “fine” thing, nah, it’s because she’s OVERSTAYED her WELCOME.

Your hairline's so far back, even Rosa Parks refused to sit in the back; it went all the way there itself.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.

Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got "fine" written all over you.

Why can't orphans go to an amusement park?

Because they don't have parents!

If you park your tow truck on the footpath, it'll get towed.

You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?

Your mama's so fat, when she went to the baseball tournament, she knocked everyone out of the park.

What’s the difference between Rosa Parks and Muhammad Ali?

One fought for freedom, the other fought for fun.