Parent jokes

Why are kids so skinny?

Parents eat all the food themselves, and let the kids starve.

I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"

I saw a little kid crying today. I asked where his parents were, and he started to cry more. I left the orphanage to get some milk after that.

When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."

Why are orphans gay?

They call everyone "daddy."

Why are most dark jokes about orphans?

They can't complain to their parents.

I have a brother and he told me this quote, "No wonder they had a second child, they messed up on the first one." He’s the second child... I’m the first...

My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.

What does your mom say when she is working?

Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.

Best part about being an orphan?

Not spending 1h30 at the table every night with your dad yelling, "What's 2*3?!!" And you crying, "I don't know!!!"

God, I love telling children their parents love them, but only on April Fools'. They're orphans, after all.

A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?

Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."

Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"

Guy: "Yup"

Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"

Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"

Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)

Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.

What do Helen Keller and orphans have in common?

Neither of them can see or hear their parents.

Friend: Wanna hear a joke?

Orphan Friend: Sure.

Friend: Parents.

Other: I don't get it.

Friend: And you never will.

Why can't emos come out of the closet to their parents?

Because they won't be there to stick around.

"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.

Why do orphans like the number seven? It's lucky, so maybe their parents will come back.

After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"

The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.

"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.

The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"