Parent jokes
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
Q: Why don't orphans turn up to parents evening?
A: Because they don't have any parents.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.
A neighbor went up to me and asked me where my parents were. When I said, "In the bed," my neighbor said, "Oooooohh, how long is the penis?" I said, "Wait here," and I interrupted my parents while they were doing some "business" and asked my dad the exact question he said. Then he spanked me.
I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."
What does Santa say about my mom? HO HO HO!
Whenever I’m bored, I hit up my local orphanage and beat some of them up.
I mean honestly, what are they going to do, tell their parents? 😂😂
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
My "parents" are so dumb. Who tf names their son "Lydia"?
Everyone loves orphans,
other than their parents of course.
What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?
"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"
Your Parents
An orphan died. No one cared, why? Who is supposed to spread the word? His parents.
I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.
If you're pan, all you have to do is get a sibling and make them get your parents to the outside of the pantry, and you burst out and then say you're pansexual!
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."
Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?
Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!
Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?
Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!
Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?
Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER
Why did the blind kid drop his ice cream? He got run over by his mom.
I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.