Overeating jokes

My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?

Hey everyone, I'm back because I'm sinking back towards depression because my sister is really being a bitch, and my parents always side with her, and the stress over online school is just getting overwhelming, and I'm seriously considering hanging myself to end it all because the pain is just... terrible, and I feel like I'm not worth life.

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.

“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”

Two Native Americans

Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?"

The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.

His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?"

Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.

Are you a border? 'Cause I can't get over you.

This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.

A police officer pulls a man over. "Hands in the air!"

The man said, "Okay."

We clap when we see you. We clap our hands over our eyes.

What appears over Ash’s head when he gets an idea?

A LightBulbasaur.

I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"

I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"

Why do orphans hate apples?

Because they get picked over.

Imagine this whole “Dr. Strange jokes” is just full of people simping over him.

Couldn’t Be Me.

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.

After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.

“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.

The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

What's black, white, and red all over?

A nun in a blender.

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Did you hear the passengers on the Titanic invited Yo Momma and the Titanic crew said, "Man overboard!"

Man, my brother has a tight, buttered butthole. The veins in my cock throb when he comes over!

What do you call seagulls that fly over a bay? Bay-gulls.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)