Overeating jokes

My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.

Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.

I was born yesterday, and I walked down memory lane. I fell over the edge!

What did chemical 1 say to chemical 2?

"I think you're overreacting."

A police officer pulls a man over. "Hands in the air!"

The man said, "Okay."

When I feel ugly, I just look at my brother and get over it.

What time is it when you say "what?"

Time to start over!

We clap when we see you. We clap our hands over our eyes.

Are you a border? 'Cause I can't get over you.

Why don’t midgets wear tampons?

Because they’ll trip over the string.

This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.

What’s the LGBTQ national anthem?

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow" by Harold Arlen.

What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for over 10 years.

White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*

Natives: Can y-

White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.

A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"

Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"

I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.

I needn't have bothered.

The next day, it was smeared all over my face.

I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.

What is black and white and red all over?

Answer: A newspaper.

That is what my 3-year-old told me.

A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.