Outing jokes
What is the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
You're so fat, when people see you running, they can't help but yell out, "Keep running!"
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick. Get your head out of the gutters... Jeez!
What's a reversed exorcism?
It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.
Memes
When i find out
Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"
ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG
Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.
Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.
Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.
I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.
Why are astronauts forgetful?
They're always spacing out.
I went to the “lists of women” page on Wikipedia and it was blank.
Either, Wikipedia is proving women do not exist or John Cena decided to come out as transgender.
Why did the orphan fall out of a tree?
They thought their parents would catch them.
Me and my friend (rope) like hanging out.
I asked a emo kid if they wanna hang out.
How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."
Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"
Why can't orphans go on field trips? Parents' signature: _______
My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.
Why did the polack lock himself out of his car?
Because his keys were inside of the ignition.
"Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
- JFK
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!