I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.
Outing Jokes
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
Why did the polack lock himself out of his car?
Because his keys were inside of the ignition.
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
"Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
- JFK
Why can't orphans go on field trips? Parents' signature: _______
What's a reversed exorcism?
It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.
When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."
Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope.
An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
I'm lookin' for some good jokes for the best song award. Can y'all help a fellow out?
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
Yo mama is so ugly that the Grinch fell out when he saw her!
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."
