What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
One's alive at the bottom.
What's even worse than THAT?
It eats it's way out.
Wait it gets worse...
It goes back for seconds.
Just one more I swear...
It fucks one of it's siblings at the bottom.
What did the grape say when the fox stepped on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
If trees were sentient, they would make their furniture out of bone, flesh, and blood.
Now ain't that cool?
I go to get my mail.
Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"
Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"
Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.
I done a thing where we have chat hangouts with people that like Gwen or just want to hang out, do stuff.
All people are invited!
We have a lot! Enjoy!
What do you call a shoe made out of a banana?
A slipper.
China shouldn't play baseball because that would take out the whole world with one bat.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,
"Some asshole has my pen!"
What do you tell a stressed-out Pokémon?
“Kakuna Rattata!”
Last year, I got kicked out of the Hospital for telling COVID patients to stay positive!
What did the mom say when her child came out?
"The head was so big!"
Kids when they meet a kid out of home alone be like: “At least your mom came back!”
I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.
I think the local nudist campground just went out of business.
The sign on their gate says:
"Clothed Until Further Notice."
Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?
Because they're always coming out of the closet.
Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.
You: Well, your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you don't even know how to do that.
And your IQ is 5.
What do whales use to rub out a mistake in their homework? Their blubber.
How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?
Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.
I was given my electronics test today. Turns out it was given to me 'cause I have the same name as someone who got 54/59. I actually got my hopes up, too.
"Guys! Let’s hang out after school!"
Dude named Guys:
Dude named Out:
Dude named School:
