A Biologist, a Chemist, and a Statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician shouts, "We got him!"
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
What’s the easiest way for parents to find out if their child is gay Look in the closet
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
What is the most noise that comes out of a ladies mouth? Nothing because they never have anything important to say.
Why are most vacuums gay?
They’re always coming out of the closet.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
Yo mama is so ugly that the Grinch fell out when he saw her!
Q: Why did the family want to move out while the neighbors were playing tennis?
A: Because they were a racquet!
When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."
An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."
Why did the bat fall out of the tree?
It couldn’t hang in there.
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
What did the grape say when the Meerkat stepped on it?
It said nothing, just let out a little wine.
I once made a belt out of clocks.
It was a waist of time.
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.
Why did the polack lock himself out of his car?
Because his keys were inside of the ignition.
