Outing jokes

You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!

A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.

I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...

Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?

Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.

Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!

Me: You can't kick me out.

Manager: Why not? Huh?

Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.

A man with 20 dollars walked into Dave & Buster's. He went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.

Why did Timmy throw the clock out the window?

It reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man convicted of knife raping his wife.

Why can't cheetahs run forever? Because they run out of breath!

Have you seen the movie "Constipation"?

It hasn't come out yet.

Say this out loud: "Gabe Itch."

I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.

My wife is a whore, so I pimped her out and broke her mentally and emotionally, taught her a good lesson of being a real woman loyal to her man. End of story, you women are bitches.

Jack took Jill up a hill to have a picnic, but Jack and Jill got drunk. They then Jill unzipped Jack's fly, then said, "You know you want me to."

He said yes, so she took off her dress and bra. Jack took his pants and shirt off too. They both went in the well together and played a game: Jack's candy stick in Jill's candy stick. Next, Jill was sucking Jack's candy stick while Jack licked and sucked her candy stick, then Jill sat on Jack's candy stick while making out.

Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?

She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.

I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.

Q: How do you get 10 babies in a trashcan?

A: With a blender.

Q: How do you get them out?

A: Chips.

What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"

My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.

The librarian then asked me to take it out.

It would be a miracle if someone figured out the length of your hairline.

Yo mama's so ugly, she looked out the window and was arrested for mooning.

You were born out of your dad.

What's the difference between the 44 out of the 45 people who died in the Yaroslavl crash and the nine people who died in the helicopter crash?

Only one was ever famous. Vasicek and Kobe Bryant were the champions.

Jorden Calerendiá.

I bet you are a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, by the way your roasts are not fucking funny they are bullshit like your face and your hairline.