Outing jokes

When Leicester City won the league in 2015/16, do you think there was a little lad in Africa running around with "Drinkwater" on his back, annoying the hell out of the locals?

We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.

No one is taking it harder than grandpa.

"One man's trash is another man's treasure."

It's a wonderful phrase, but a terrible way to find out you're adopted.

I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.

I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.

I got fired from the bowling ball factory for throwing out the ones that had holes in them.

Your mama smells so bad that everytime she goes outside, she gets ticketed for pollution. She's so ugly that everytime she looks out a window, she gets arrested for mooning.

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

Git is going to let Bill Cosby out of jail. Oh wait, he watched Little Bill.

You are so fat that when you jump into the pool, everyone gets out.

I took my friend skydiving once, and he jumped out of the plane without a parachute. Then I remembered he was emo.

Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?

Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!

What did the grape say when it was stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

Every time my cousin and I, we settle it out with our game, so we play rock paper scissors. 😂🤣🤣

Mate, my wife Susan has kicked me out again, anyone got a lift?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ruff ruff.

Ruff ruff who?

Let the dogs out.

Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."

Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."

Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."

Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."

Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?

Option one: Horses can't speak at all.

Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.

Confusion life question!!!

* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!