Outing jokes

"One man's trash is another man's treasure."

It's a wonderful phrase, but a terrible way to find out you're adopted.

What did the grape say when it was stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

Mate, my wife Susan has kicked me out again, anyone got a lift?

My middle name is Brian. I was so proud of being able to spell my full name till someone pointed out "Johnny Brain Walker" was incorrect.

Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?

Option one: Horses can't speak at all.

Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.

Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?

Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!

Every time my cousin and I, we settle it out with our game, so we play rock paper scissors. 😂🤣🤣

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ruff ruff.

Ruff ruff who?

Let the dogs out.

"Watch out, plane! Wait, really? I ordered pepperoni."

I was doing some karate the other day at the studio.

They kicked me out because I was doing “kungi fui.”

One time, I worked at 3 jobs at the same time and my boss said it was illegal.

It got too out of hand and I got spanked.

We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.

No one is taking it harder than grandpa.

Confusion life question!!!

* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?

Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Knock knock who? I'll knock knock you out if you don't stop.

Yo mama so ugly, when she entered the scare factory, she came out with a job application.

What's the worst part about getting old?

Going to pull up the wrinkles in your socks, just to find out you're not wearing socks!

Why was the washing machine laughing?

It was taking the piss out of the knickers!