Outing Jokes

An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.

The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.

What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?

My last if she knows what's good for her.

Your Mom tells you to take out the trash, and the next day the Police are asking if you bombed the School.

A random drunk person ate poop, but he found out it was liquid...

I’m not funny! Please do not laugh at my jokes! But do check them out, they’re very unpredictable. Read them, do not laugh, they’re jokes, do not laugh at them!

Someone: hah- Me: NO DON’T YOU DARE!😠😠

The image consists of three stacked satellite shots of a snowy landscape, with text on top that reads "The minecraft chunks are glitching out again."

There was a guy I knew who owned a foot-high piano player.

He had found a magic lamp and rubbed it. The genie popped out and gave him one wish.

The guy thinks the genie was a bit deaf, as all he got was a 12" pianist.

I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.

Yo mama so ugly she went into a haunted house...... And came back out with a job application then that ran away * CAUSE SHE"S A UGLY FUCK*

Yo mama so fat that when Thanos tried to snap her out of the world, he couldn't do it so instead he clapped her out of the world.

Two gay men walk into a bar, one of them turned to the other and said, hey, what do you say we get out of here?

Yo mama so hairy,when the baby came out,the baby died because of carpet burning

Yo mama is so ugly, she scared the sh*t out of the toilet.

A boi found a magic vase and a genie came out and told him he had one wish. The boy said, "I wanna be like Batman." The genie said, "OK, your wish is granted."

The boy came home later that day and his parents were dead.

Stick your head up someone's butt. What do you get? A Butthead!

"Get your butt out of my face!"

"Then get your face out of my butt!!!"

Two friends wanting to find out if their buddy was gay.

The two walked up to their buddy and said, "Get down!" and he kneeled down.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Fishes.

Fishes who?

Fishes the police, come out with your hands up!

When a person went to a restaurant, they died once they were in. Three people were a suspect. Two were suspected because she served the food. Turns out, it was the food!