Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁
Outing Jokes
Family all eating at the table.
Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."
Sister: "Stop the cap."
Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."
Dad laughed.
Stepmom storms out of the room.
Neona (😞): Are you mad at me?
Gwen (😌): Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen, let's just hug it out!
Neona (😁): Agreed!
So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.
*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"
*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*
Wanna come hang out with me?
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Why did the kid throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
Why do orphans want parents? Because they don't want to be left out.
Dad: Want to go to the park, kid?
Kid: Sure.
Dad: Come on.
Kid: Why are we at the orphanage?
Dad: Go in.
When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"
Your forehead so big you got to go outside to think.
A man and a child walk into a forest.
The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."
The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."
If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
Why did the gym close down?
Because it just didn't work out.
Chat box hangout.
I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the Covid-19 patients to stay positive.
And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.
Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.
A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.
