Outing jokes

Did you hear about the cello player who dreamed he was performing Bolero?

He woke up and found out it was true.

A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

Quote Of The Day: Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.

Love you guys, and hope today was amazing!

Peace out! <3

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!

My friend told me an EMO joke once, and I said, "EMO jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"

What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?

Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.

I saw a girl crying. I told her, "Where are your parents?" She cried more after that. I got kicked out of the orphanage.

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.

"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.

"Why?" I asked.

My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"

A few years ago I had a brush with cancer...

All of the bristles fell out!

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.

I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.

Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......

What did one emo say to another emo... "Rock it out!"

I couldn’t figure out why the football kept getting bigger... then it hit me!

When an emo asks you to hang out under a tree...

Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.