What do guns and gum have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
Outing Jokes
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
I'm gonna blow out your lungs faster than Joe Biden thinks is possible with a 9mm.
Kid me: I lost my stick.
Teacher: No, you didn’t.
Kid me: How do you know that?
Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common?
They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)
A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
You're so ugly, your class searched up Godfrey Baguma and all called out your name!
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!
My friend told me an EMO joke once, and I said, "EMO jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone, and money falls out.
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
Two friends fighting.
Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"
Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."
What does a gun and gum have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.
Bring out your weapons, people.
It's bullying time.
Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.
If you’re American when you go in the bathroom...
... and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
How do you get an emo kid out of a tree? Cut the rope.
