Outing jokes

Why do cheetahs have spots outside of their bodies?

Because they don't have them on the inside.

How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."

Did you hear about the cello player who dreamed he was performing Bolero?

He woke up and found out it was true.

What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?

Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.

Your hairline is so far back that I can't even back out of my car.

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay now.

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.

"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.

"Why?" I asked.

My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"

What do guns and gum have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

I'm gonna blow out your lungs faster than Joe Biden thinks is possible with a 9mm.

Kid me: I lost my stick.

Teacher: No, you didn’t.

Kid me: How do you know that?

Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.

What do lesbians and turtles have in common?

They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)

A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

You're so ugly, your class searched up Godfrey Baguma and all called out your name!

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!

My friend told me an EMO joke once, and I said, "EMO jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone, and money falls out.

I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.