I shidded out my baby, then became a fish.
Outing Jokes
Has anybody else noticed that out of nowhere there are always tons of people online? It's kinda trippy if I'm being honest.
Why do cheetahs have spots outside of their bodies?
Because they don't have them on the inside.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common?
They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)
What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?
An orphan.
There were 5 people on an airplane.
1. The pilot 2. The businessman 3. The Minister 4. The school child 5. The Smartest person in the world
The plane takes off, a good, solid 1 hour in. The pilot comes out and says, "OK guys, I have good news and bad news."
"Bad News is the plane is gonna crash. The good news is that I have 4 parachutes."
The pilot says to his passengers, "Well I'm a pilot, I fly planes. People depend on me!" Took a parachute and went out.
The businessman stands up and says, "Well I'm a businessman, I run companies!" Took a parachute and went out.
The smartest person in the world stands up and says, "I'm the smartest person in the world. No one is smarter than me!" Took a parachute and went out.
Now the minister says to the school child, "Well God has given me a good life. I want you to take the last parachute," and the school child has a massive smile on her face and starts laughing all of the sudden and the minister says, "Why are you smiling?! We're about to die!!!!"
And the school child says to the minister, "Well actually [we're] not gonna die because there are still 2 parachutes left because the smartest person in the world just took my school bag!"
Why did the gym close?
It's because it just never worked out.
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.
Are you a noose, 'cause I wanna hang out with you?
Kid me: I lost my stick.
Teacher: No, you didn’t.
Kid me: How do you know that?
Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.
How does a priest purify water?
Boil the hell out of it!
I'm gonna blow out your lungs faster than Joe Biden thinks is possible with a 9mm.
What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn, it's windy out here!"
What goes in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet?
Gum.
What kind of food does a lesbian love? Anything they can eat out.
I have to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.
Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure?"
That's a horrible thing to find out when you're adopted.
A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.
A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
A 9-year-old girl lies on a hospital bed struggling to breathe as she waits for the doctor to come.
The doctor finally comes, and the little girl can breathe much easier after he pulls his cock out of her mouth.
