An eight year old girl struggles to breath as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes he pulls his cock out of her mouth and she can breathe much better.
are you a noose cuz i wanna hang out with you
Kid me: I lost my stick
Teacher : No you didn’t
Kid me: How do you know that?
Teacher: It’s hanging out out of your pants
How does a priest purify water?
Boil the hell out of it
Im gonna blow out your lungs faster than Joe biden thinks is possible with a 9mm
What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn it's windy out here"
What goes in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet? Gum.
What kind of food does a lesbian love? Anything they can eat out.
I have to take out the trash but I couldn't find you
Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure." That's a horrible thing to find out when your adopted.
A plane is about the crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out. A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a person man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, takes of shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
A 9 year old year girl lies on a hospital bed struggling to breath as she waits for the doctor to come. The doctor finally comes and the little girl can breathe much easier after he pulls his cock out of her mouth
Once there was a woman who had a husband and a dog, the husband dies. The dog would always sleep under the bed and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down and the dog would like it to say she/he was alright. One night it was thunder storming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does he/she likes her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap. But the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can like too", in the dogs blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
[being buried alive]
murderer: *out of breath* how are you eating the dirt so quickly
so, a few hours ago my friend said i need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes...like...it's really not that deep?
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making into a house and halucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies arent real. You cant and will never get a home"
Next day they make cardboard parents so i threw that away and said "May attention to reality, you will never get parents:
Next day they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again I said "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent" The orphan responded with "Oh really?! How so" I just simply said "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat out old people!"
You know they say, when you get lemos make lemonade...Well i took that a little bit too literal
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum Your anus looks like my mums bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo. I also just wanted to add that a goonies anus looks like my nans mouth
I got kicked out of the library for putting a book about women's rights in the fantasy section.
