Otherness jokes

Me: *makes Chuck Norris meme*

Internet: *all the other memes are dead now*

Me: Well, shit.

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To get to the other side (suicide).

Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flatmate.

What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight each other?

Alien vs. Predator.

What does a lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

"Same time next month?"

One day a cow ate a fish.

What came out the other side?

A dead fish.

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"

The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.

1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.

2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

Q: What did one koala say to the other? A: How's it hanging? 😂

I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.

Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is just a watermelon.

The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is plastic and dangerous for children to play with, the other is used for carrying groceries.

What did one alligator say to the other alligator?

"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"

WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"

What did one squirrel say to the other? "Do you have any nuts?"

What did one cow say to the other? You are mootiful!

What a skeleton baked for the other skeleton.

A pa_pıe_rus.

The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.