One Jokes

So little johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.

If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!

If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!

And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:

Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?

Little johnny smiled and said: A bus driver!

People always told that if you killed a murderer that there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?

Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today" and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron". Then the first atom said "How Ionic"

when you frend ask why dont you smile then you look at them and then rels no one there becase you have no frinds #my life

That one awkward moment you try to relate to batman by killing your parents.

I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway. .

One day a snail got robbed by 2 turtles, once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, Snail said "I dont know it all happed to fast"!

one time the quite kid hacked the speakers in a school next thing you know it pumped up kicks by Foster The People starts playing

If a fly loses its wings is it now a walk wait a minute I found out a mind blower so the 🌎 is the 3rd planet from the sun doesn't that mean all country's are the called the 3rd country of 🌎 if I get 10 likes I'll do one mind blowing facts daily

Osama's aim was horrible, one of his angry birds missed and hit a field in Pennsylvania.

My friend and I were walking down the street and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by 3 other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help.

He had no chance against the 5 of us.

If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping of a roof

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

A programmer and his wife.

She says, "We're out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."

After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.

The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"

He replies, "They had eggs."

What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad? One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.

Whenever I have a one night stand I always use protection

A fake name and fake phone number.

A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, " What is a tragedy?" One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "if my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy." A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!" "Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"