One Jokes

Fortnite is like America... At one time it was good and free. Now it's neither.

A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so i put her in the oven

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.

i love murder shows... wish me luck cause im kinda hoping to be on one one day

a skeleton goes sky diving. doesn't come back in one piece

A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.

They're all Predators!

My sisters name is coco and one day she was funny so I told her you

Coconut

There once was a brother and a sister so one night it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brothers room and asks " can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared" the brother replies with " yea sure but just don't tell Mom" so the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boys penis and asks "what's that?" And the boy replies with "that's my pet snake" and the girl asks "can I pet it?" And the boy says "sure just don't tell Mom" and the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks "what happened" and the girl said "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit it's head off"

guy spills milk on a me i say " it's OK we all make mistakes sometimes but apparently your mom made a big one

What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.

A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul walker and no one else

Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him

One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!

Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped

Why are cats bad storytellers? -- Because they only have one tale.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a frog, one jumps in ponds the other leaps over the border. :)

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.

Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

Teacher: 502.

Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Teacher:No you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!

Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door

Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one? Teacher: let me guess the lion?

Student: No!The giraffe because He's in a fridge.

Teacher: WOW!

Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

Student:The gators are at the party.

Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

Teacher:She drowned?!

Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

What's worse than depression & suicide? Easy : LIVING Everyday you wish you were dead but than reality hits u in the face that your still alive and has to suffer living Pretend or not pretend we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no onw will notice :) no one ever does :) Living is the problem to everything we get depression cuz of it and so much why can't we just die :) ?