What's the difference between a Mexican and a frog?
One jumps in ponds, the other leaps over the border. :)
Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?
Son: A ugly girl.
Dad: Why not a pretty girl?
Son: A pretty one might run away.
Dad: So an ugly one might too.
Son: Yeah, but who cares?
Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.
There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."
Fortnite is like America... At one time it was good and free. Now it's neither.
A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so I put her in the oven.
I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.
A skeleton goes sky diving. Doesn't come back in one piece.
I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.
My sister's name is Coco, and one day she was funny, so I told her, "You coconut."
One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.
Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
