One jokes

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde, and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard, and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde, and she struck the pervert."

The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me, and she slapped him."

The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark, and she slapped me by mistake."

The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."

A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.

Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.

Osama's aim was horrible. One of his angry birds missed and hit a field in Pennsylvania.

Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?

Son: A ugly girl.

Dad: Why not a pretty girl?

Son: A pretty one might run away.

Dad: So an ugly one might too.

Son: Yeah, but who cares?

Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?

Fortnite is like America... At one time it was good and free. Now it's neither.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!

A skeleton goes sky diving. Doesn't come back in one piece.

I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.

Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."

Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.

What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.

What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.

Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.

What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.

What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.

Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.

What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.

What kind of chocolate does a lesbian hate?

Ones that contain nuts.

What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.