Dream tweeted, and I quote “Babies kick pregnant women all the time but I do it one time and I’m the one arrested.”
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand? Breakfast in bed!
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?
One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion". The first guy came back with 10 apples and by the second one he started to grunt so he was killed and eaten. The second one came back with cherries and when he went to put the 10th one in he started to laugh so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven and the first guy said" dude you were so close what happened?" The second one said" I would have made it but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!"😝😝🤣🤣
One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?", the priest asks. "Christian kittens", the little girl answers. Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way. A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box", he says, "It's the cutest thing!" The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens", she says. The priest rushes forward and says "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were "Christian kittens!!!" "They were", she says. "Now their eyes are open".
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make sour patch kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make sour patch kids
Daughter: Oh that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
What is the one kind of work orphans don’t know, homework.
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
when i sh one day, my mother told me that it cuter her deep, we both found that very amusing
There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.
Matt, "Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife"
Priest, "how so?"
Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything just rubbed each other, that's all"
Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"
Matt, "okay i promise not to see her again"
Then Matt walks out the door
Priest, "Hey I saw you! you didn't put any money in the donation box!!"
Matt, "Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in"
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
Roast: What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. Thats the third one this week and its only monday
I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts... I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.
One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?" The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"
I have 5 fingers and the middle one is for you
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I keep looking for my girlfriends killer but no one wants to do it.
