One

One jokes

Nun

    • Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.

    The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."

    The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"

    One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"

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    • Sister

    • One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."

    The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."

  • 0

    • Blonde

    • There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.

    The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"

  • 2

    • Hole

    • Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?

    In case he gets a hole in one.

  • 0
    • One memes

    America

    • What's the difference between America and a flash drive?

    One is USA and the other is USB! 😂😂😂

  • 0

    • Priest

    • How can you tell the difference between a Christian priest and a zit?

    One waits until you're twelve to come on your face.

  • 0

    • Soul

    • My Bff: Hey do want any coffee?

    Me: Yeh, of course.

    My Bff: Ok which one?

    Me: You know... the black one.

    Me: Like my soul...

    My Bff: Jeez you ok?

    Diabetes

    • I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well." My brother said, "You want a sugar cookie?"

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    • Word

    • In middle school, we had to create words with magnet letters. Some kid laid the word "Animal Therapist". I changed one space and got sent home :/

  • 1

    • Trend

    • You know the stupid trend where people say it’s ok to be overly obese? Healthy even? That you should take pride in it? Which idiots started that movement?

    Well. We know one thing for sure. They were obviously members of a wider community.

    Gender

    • Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.

    Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.

    That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )