One jokes

What's the difference between a baby and putty?

You can only eat one.

An orphan died. No one cared, why? Who is supposed to spread the word? His parents.

What's worse than one dead baby in a trash can?

One dead baby in ten trash cans.

Why do golfers bring an extra pair of socks? In case they get a hole in one.

What's the difference between me and my best friends?

At least one of us has a house.

What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?

One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.

What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?

No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.

"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

If you ever think no one cares about you,

kill someone, then the news will.

If I had a dollar for every brain cell LEO has, I’d have one dollar.

If Donald Trump gets any worse, they'll have to replace Air Force One with a short bus.

Q. What do a one-story house and an Alzheimer's victim have in common? A. Nothing going on upstairs.

What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?

One’s finger-licking good and the other is just a fast food restaurant.

Fun fact: this category of jokes is the MOST hated one by feminists.

Unless you force them the point.

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.

Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."

Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."

"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."

Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."

Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.

Why did the priest buy a clown suit?

Because the old one had blood all over it.

Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?

Because no one wants him.

Friend: Your t-shirt is cringe.

Me: You should go get the Covid test because one of their symptoms is no taste.