One Jokes

Stephen hawkings is such a bad role model for our kids

He only ever looks one way when crossing the street

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."

Islamist guys and American Christian right-wing guys are both similar in that both abhor the existence of gay people, but only the Christian Right loves to eat sausages, especially the little ones, if you know what I mean...

last night i burned down an orphanage there was one survivor who said i would regret it i said "what are you gonna do, tell your parents?"

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.

One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.

Did you hear about the German girl being raped by 10 men? She shouted nein, nein, so one of them left.

Yo mama is so fat when she got on the scale it said one at a time please.

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"

God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."

The twin towers are like my parents, only one came back.

if you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. but donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. geez!

A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son "Come on Dick, lets go."

whats one thing gay people can't draw? a straight line.

2 friends are talking and the one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The Friend says, "I was in my car."

My teacher gave us an assignment and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I answered "Happy". The teacher said I didn't understand the test, I said to her that she didn't understand life

Me having a good day Going on a walk on a peaceful day* my depression: hey whats up! Me: go away. My depression: well how rude. Me: 🙄. My depression: remeber that one tim...... Me: no, dont even. My depression: that we..... Me: nope. My deprssion: *says really fast*:said that one stupid joke that wasnt funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilt water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like yoy do every single night. Me: 😳😶😟. My depression: 😉 dont worry I'll always be here for you.

That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they've seen your dog.

So I had a friend who was an orphan and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.