when i ask my dad did i get adopted he said not yet no one wants you
two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal....Does he taste funny to you?
One hat told another hat to stay behind, and he will go on a-head.
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident. They’ll hear the one word they hate the most. “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE”
Why can orphans never be kidnapped? No-one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up"
Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest
A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile
Man 1: why don’t we just put all the dept in the world on one man then kill him? Man 2: we tried that once it started a cult
One day I told my wife that she drew her I brows too high,
She looked surprised.
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
My brother is ugly one time he stuck his head out the window, the police arrested for mooning
like this if one of your family members is emo!!!!
A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said Chinese food, so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said Indian, so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
Two brothers play on the street, one of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is they go to their mum and asks what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately. Guys go back to the yard surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: why did mum got so angry, the other: i have no idea thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside.
One day in class little Johnny was mucking around not listening to the teacher after 5 minutes the teacher caught him and finsh what she said and said little Johnny if you weren’t listening what was the last thing I said and little Johnny replied back you said what was the last thing I said
i got a lot running through my head right now i wish at least one was a 12 gauge round
Chuck Norris threw one Pokéball -- and caught 'em all.
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun." Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?" Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?" Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna." Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?" Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
I had problems milking my cow one morning. It was an udder failure.
