Old

Old jokes

Sex

If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?

Girl

A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”

Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”

Incest

Being incest isn't that bad. I was fingering my sister, and I found my dad's old wedding ring. Winner winner!

Story

A Story:

I lived in a small house. Behind my house was a big forest. If I went in the forest, then I heard scary sounds. That was very dreadful. I had a son. He was 9 years old. One day he went into the forest and did not come back. I called the police, but it couldn't help. I went looking. I really wanted my son Robby back. I missed him so! With a flashlight and compass, I went into the dark, eerie forest. Then the noises came again, but this time I also heard a scream. A scream from a nine year old child. It was Robby, certainly! I stopped in front of a tunnel.

Sequel follows...

Divorce

So this is how I got divorced.

On my birthday my boss, who was a hot sexy woman who I have always had an eye on her huge ass and tits, wished me happy birthday and took me to her house. She went into the shower and came out dressed and this made me disappointed. But then she stripped off and made my dick go into her pussy and before I could realize I heard her main door creak. And in came my wife, mum, and my 2 kids, 8 years old and 12 years old. Although my wife joined in, she was mad after since that was not my wife, that was my wife's twin sister. Do not know why woman these days are like this!!!!!!!!!!

Santa

It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.

He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."

But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"

Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."

Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"

(Santa winks at you)

Leaf

Why do leaves change color in the fall?

Because they want to leaf their old color.

Cow

What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?

A bull in a china shop.

Bear

Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her, and he says, "What's that, Mama?" She says, "That's just an old bear." He says, "He's a mean bear." She says, "Why's that?" He says, "He's got blood in on eye and shit in the other."

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  • Pastor

    The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"

    "This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.

    The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."

    Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"

    Momma

    Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.

    Priest

    What do McDonald's and priests have in common?

    They both shove their meat into 10-year-old buns.

    Mama

    Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.

    Girl

    Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.

    Baby

    Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

    School

    Why did the 18-year-old girl need a ladder to go to school?

    Because it was High School.

    Pedophile

    What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?

    He said he was awfully touched!

    War

    Why did Joe Biden pull out of the Afghanistan war?

    Because it was over 18 years old.

    Kid

    What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?

    Neither do ever grow old.