Object jokes
What hits the ground first, an apple or an emo girl?
The rope would catch her.
Yo mama is so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall.
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
You suck harder than a vacuum ever will :)
What does the door say to the doorbell?
The door said: "You dingus!"
Dads are like boomerangs, I hope.
What's red and white and goes 250 miles per hour?
A baby in a blender ;)
What's tree plus tree?
Sticks!
What did one chair say to the other?
"I'm so bummed out!"
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper out of a tree, you know what will hit the floor first? The paper, because the rope will stop the emo.
I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt, and guess what's inside it!
What hit the ground first, a feather or the emo kid?
The feather, because the emo kid was left hanging.
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.
What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.
What is a pile of balls?
What's the difference between a boomerang and your dad?
Boomerangs come back.
One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."
"Shut up, Brick!"
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.