You're like a vacuum cleaner. Why? Because you suck.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
I sat on a chair.
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick :)
What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?
You brighten my day.
Playing a game called 7-Up.
Student: Why can't I use a pencil to tap their fingers?
Teacher: It's cheating!
Student: No! It's the object of the game.
What did one pillow say to the other?
Nothing, meh, they just sang a song about a rogue chicken whose feathers had been sacrificed to make them.
What’s the similarity between a penis and a lollipop?
Kids can take both.
I lost my bag. :(
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?
You can't fuck a rock.
Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.
When is a door not a door?
When it’s ajar!
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
My dad came back!
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, a Zippo is a little lighter.
What's long, black, and sticky?
A stick.
