Nut jokes
Me: What’s that girl’s name from Phineas and Ferb, the sister?
Crush: Candice.
Me: Candice dick fit in your mouth?
Crush: *slaps me, walks away*
Do you know Imagine Dragons?
Yeah.
Imagine dragon my nuts across your face.
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
A student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick, and the guy was about to nut.
The school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone.
Why didn't the squirrel want to go swimming? Because he didn't want to get his nuts wet!
Deez nuts!
GOT EEMMMMMMMM!
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick.
The bartender asks him why.
And the pirate says:
"Argh, It's driving me nuts."
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
Two old Indian ladies out picking potatoes, one lady stops, staring at this huge potato, turning it round and round.
The other old lady says to her, "What are you doing?" She says, "These potatoes remind me of my husband's nuts."
She says, "Oh my, are they really that big?" She said, "No, they're that dirty. lololol"
How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?
You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.
What do you call a nut on a wheelchair?....A busted nut.
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"
The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?"
The pirate said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"
What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?
"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"
you.
Yo mama so stupid, she thought a donut was dough shaped like a nut.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.