There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
What did the wire say to the electrician?
"Stop twisting my nuts!"
I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.
Nut
What is the richest nut ever? A cash-ooo!
I have to call Bovfa. What's Bovfa? Bovfa deez nuts fit in your mouth.
What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."
Do you like Mirah?
Mirah-t nuts.
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
DEEZ NUTS!
Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯
Friend: You can have my burrito baby.
Gay.
Friend: *begins to moan*
Me: Finna hang up.
What do you call a person with no eyebrows?
Ms. Burgos.
Nuts, nuts, nuts!
A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,
"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"
She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.
And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"
Rhydon- son.
Rhydon? - mum.
RHYDON DEEZ NUTS! - son.
Jeez, ur like ur father in bed- mum.
XD
Watch Key/Peele "Detective."
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."
What did the nut chasing the other nut say? "I'mma cashew!"
Q: You have problems, I think your disease is BOOFA.
Q: What boofa?
A: Boofa deez nuts in yo mouth!
