Nut jokes

Sex.

Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."

Walnut says, "I look like a brain."

Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."

Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"

Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.

Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.

I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.

A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.

The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"

The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"

There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.

I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.

What did the wire say to the electrician?

"Stop twisting my nuts!"

I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.

Nut

What is the richest nut ever? A cash-ooo!

I have to call Bovfa. What's Bovfa? Bovfa deez nuts fit in your mouth.

What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."

Do you like Mirah?

Mirah-t nuts.

Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."

DEEZ NUTS!

Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯

Friend: You can have my burrito baby.

Gay.

Friend: *begins to moan*

Me: Finna hang up.

What do you call a person with no eyebrows?

Ms. Burgos.

Nuts, nuts, nuts!