Number Jokes

What did the 5 say to the S?

"Nice shape."

What's 2+2?

4.

Write 317537 on your calculator and turn it over to spell "Leslie."

Why was one afraid of every number in the world?

Because ONE wanted TWO get something THREE FOUR FIVE at the yard sale, but SIX was not there. SEVEN EIGHT NINE as well. When all but ONE remained, it got TENse.

Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number.

10 Fun Facts.

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

What kind of number hates nuts?

17.

Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?

Because he was 2 squared.

There were 32 cows. Twenty-eight chickens. How many were there?

There were 32 cows. Twenty ate chickens. How many were there?

Why do golfers bring an extra pair of socks? In case they get a hole in one.

How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”

What do you do to 7 to make it even? Take off the "s".

What NFL teams parts with James Charles!?

Green Bay Packers & New England Patriots

Q: Why can't a blonde call 911?

A: Because she can't find the 11.

My friend asked me to round up here 37 sheep.

I said “40.”

Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...

I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.

Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.

I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.

Why did 7 kill 11?

Because now 7 was even.

What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?

Sexy kids.

Did you hear about the volcano that was accepted into Cambridge?

It was a decision on the number of degrees it holds, which is a lot, because volcanoes have lava if they're active. And ours was.