How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. -- I now have $999,999.75.
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.
Why did 10 die? -- He was in the middle of 9/11.
4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.
Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
What did the 0 say to the 8? -- Nice belt.
19 and 20 had a fight. 21.
3.14% of sailors are...
π-rates.
I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
Why is 6 afraid of 7? -- Because 7 8 9.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.
A Roman walks into a bar.
He holds up two fingers and says, "Give me five beers."
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
