Now jokes

What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?

"It won't be long now..."

I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........

Are you serious right now, bro?

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.

Now we call him hot wheels.

My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.

(Again, credits to my really funny friend)

Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?

Dad: Sure, Alex!

Dad: We're here!

Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!

Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!

"Wubba Lubba Dub Dub" is one way to describe how my inner child acts, but yesterday I killed them. Now I hear "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," I’m drowning in the tub.

I am starting a frog cult now!

Once I threw the ball at a wheelchair kid. Now we are playing Rocket League! :D

As we speak now, someone is making arrangements for December with your girlfriend.

Now why an office supply keep rape videos, to make sure it was on tape?

She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.

Harry Potter is now Harry Orphan.

For every dollar a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.

That’s unfair! Now the man only has 30 cents!

sad sad sad

now you laugh and like

thank you!

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

Roses are red, my toaster too,

Oh shit, I've burnt the house down, what do I do?

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

Genders are a lot like the Twin Towers.

There used to be two, but now it’s just a sensitive topic.

Me: Am actually happy right now.

Life: Lol one sec.