Now jokes

Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?

Dad: Sure, Alex!

Dad: We're here!

Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!

Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!

My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.

(Again, credits to my really funny friend)

sad sad sad

now you laugh and like

thank you!

I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........

Are you serious right now, bro?

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.

Now we call him hot wheels.

I threw my boomerang and now I live in constant fear.

My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."

She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.

Now why an office supply keep rape videos, to make sure it was on tape?

Harry Potter is now Harry Orphan.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

I really wanna hit you right now, but that would be animal abuse.

For every dollar a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.

That’s unfair! Now the man only has 30 cents!

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

Oh, you're jealous now.

What goes up stairs but doesn't move? Stairs! Laugh now!

Me: Am actually happy right now.

Life: Lol one sec.

Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?

Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.

Why have kids? Just go get one now, no nine-month delay.