Now jokes

I am starting a frog cult now!

Genders are a lot like the Twin Towers.

There used to be two, but now it’s just a sensitive topic.

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

Laugh Now!

Roses are red, my toaster too,

Oh shit, I've burnt the house down, what do I do?

Y'know, I never knew Obi-Wan Kenobi participated in an anime, "Snow White with the Red Hair," up until now.

Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?

Dad: Sure, Alex!

Dad: We're here!

Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!

Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!

My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.

(Again, credits to my really funny friend)

sad sad sad

now you laugh and like

thank you!

I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........

Are you serious right now, bro?

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.

Now we call him hot wheels.

I threw my boomerang and now I live in constant fear.

My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."

She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.

Now why an office supply keep rape videos, to make sure it was on tape?

Harry Potter is now Harry Orphan.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

I really wanna hit you right now, but that would be animal abuse.

For every dollar a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.

That’s unfair! Now the man only has 30 cents!