Now jokes

Y'know, I never knew Obi-Wan Kenobi participated in an anime, "Snow White with the Red Hair," up until now.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?

Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.

Dad: She had to take the deep penis.

Son: Umm...... WHAT!?

Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.

Dad: Oh for god's sakes.

Dad: Epi Pen.

Me: Am actually happy right now.

Life: Lol one sec.

What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?

"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"

Get it?

What goes up stairs but doesn't move? Stairs! Laugh now!

Laugh Now!

Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?

Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.

Why have kids? Just go get one now, no nine-month delay.

What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?

"It won't be long now..."

Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?

A. Sunday school!

Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!

Two planes crashed into two separate towers.

Now two towers crash into two separate planes.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knock, knock." "Knock, knock who?" "Can you let me in now?"

This is a big joke, so yeah, you can't tell me what to do. This joke is funny, so laugh, okay?

Now that you're done laughing, let me say a joke... Get it? There was no joke! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhaha lololol so funny, I'm ninja!

Oh, you're jealous now.

She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.

Now why an office supply keep rape videos, to make sure it was on tape?

I really wanna hit you right now, but that would be animal abuse.