Now jokes
It used to be "My Body, My Choice" until Trump came to power. Now it's "Your Body, My Choice."
If George Floyd was in the new Little Mermaid: Under da knee Under da knee Counterfeit 20 Drugs I took plenty Now I can’t breathe
Did you hear about the cat that ate a lemon? Now it's a sourpuss.
Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me right now!
"Wubba Lubba Dub Dub" is one way to describe how my inner child acts, but yesterday I killed them. Now I hear "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," I’m drowning in the tub.
I am starting a frog cult now!
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.
I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
Yo mama's so fat, she was overthrown by a small militia group, and now she's known as the Republic of Yo Mama.
Once I threw the ball at a wheelchair kid. Now we are playing Rocket League! :D
Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."
Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."
Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."
Teacher: "*stands up*"
Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."
Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.
As we speak now, someone is making arrangements for December with your girlfriend.
Are you serious right now, bro?
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.
Now we call him hot wheels.
Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?
Dad: Sure, Alex!
Dad: We're here!
Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!
Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!
I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........
Two planes crashed into two separate towers.
Now two towers crash into two separate planes.
Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knock, knock." "Knock, knock who?" "Can you let me in now?"
My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."