Now jokes

My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."

Y'know, I never knew Obi-Wan Kenobi participated in an anime, "Snow White with the Red Hair," up until now.

For every dollar a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.

That’s unfair! Now the man only has 30 cents!

sad sad sad

now you laugh and like

thank you!

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

Roses are red, my toaster too,

Oh shit, I've burnt the house down, what do I do?

She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.

Now why an office supply keep rape videos, to make sure it was on tape?

Harry Potter is now Harry Orphan.

Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."

Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."

Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."

Teacher: "*stands up*"

Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."

Once I threw the ball at a wheelchair kid. Now we are playing Rocket League! :D

"Wubba Lubba Dub Dub" is one way to describe how my inner child acts, but yesterday I killed them. Now I hear "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," I’m drowning in the tub.

I am starting a frog cult now!

As we speak now, someone is making arrangements for December with your girlfriend.

I threw my boomerang and now I live in constant fear.

Genders are a lot like the Twin Towers.

There used to be two, but now it’s just a sensitive topic.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

Me: Am actually happy right now.

Life: Lol one sec.

What goes up stairs but doesn't move? Stairs! Laugh now!