Now Jokes

Roses are red, my toaster too,

Oh shit, I've burnt the house down, what do I do?

Genders are a lot like the Twin Towers.

There used to be two, but now it’s just a sensitive topic.

Laugh Now!

I threw my boomerang and now I live in constant fear.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

it all makes sense now 😮😮😮

The image has the title "Cooties" followed by a definition. "Diseases that the opposite sex has that gives you a reason to not be around them. When you get older, cooties becomes known as 'STDs.'" It then gives two examples: "Age 8: 'Ewww... She has cooties, I can't talk to her!'" and "Age 15: 'Ewww... She has herpes, I can't sleep with her!'"

Me: Am actually happy right now.

Life: Lol one sec.

Why have kids? Just go get one now, no nine-month delay.

What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?

"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"

Get it?

Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?

A. Sunday school!

Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.

What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?

"It won't be long now..."

Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?

Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.

I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Did you hear about the cat that ate a lemon? Now it's a sourpuss.

Are you a gravestone?

Because I really wish you were on top of me right now!

"Ethan is gay," you say that, but first, who asked? And second, where's your mum at? Correction, where's your family, so how dare you? Now in the comments say sorry, or I'm coming for you! 😡😡😜😝