Not Jokes

Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell, not heaven? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.

According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.

Am I the only one who's on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop and I can't use my phone in class?

Cows go moo.

Why did the skeleton not go to the ball? Because he had no body to go with.

Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."

Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.

Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."

Hm.

The meme shows three sets of stick figures. The first set shows a brown and a yellow person. The second set shows a pink and a blue person with a number 10 and 36 inside of them respectively. The third set shows a pink and a blue person with a cross and star of David in them, respectively. Above these images is the text "Love is Love. Not Race, Not Age, Not Religion." The bottom part of the image shows a closeup of the pink person with the number 10 and the blue person with the number 36, followed by a frame of an angry cartoon fish.

I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."

The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

Knock knock...

Who's there?

Not Stephen Hawking.

My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...

Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.

He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.

I made an orphan website. It does not have a home page.

Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."

Okay not a depression joke but... what’s worse than 10 babies in 1 bucket?

1 baby in 10 buckets.

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.

The American Dream is real. It's just set and filmed in Toronto and not Texas.

MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.

DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.

MOM: No, you're not.

I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.

I was working at a check-in station for a flight to Riyadh when suddenly I was approached by Benzema, Kante, and Neymar!

At first I was very surprised and curious, so I asked them why they decided to play in the Saudi Pro League and not MLS where GOAT Messi plays. They all smiled and happily replied: "Don't you know, the legendary bench warmer PRISTIANO PENALDO plays there!"

Now I fully understood what they meant! They know that Pristiano is already finished, so winning trophies will be easy for them. I smiled and happily let them through.