Not jokes
Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?
Which restaurants can an orphan not go to?
A family restaurant.
What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?
Not all are friends.
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
Every 911 joke isn't that good.
Well, at least not until they come crashing down.
Why do orphans not like laptops?...
They don't have a homepage.
Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.
Man: I wish not to die a virgin.
Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!
Q: What do you call a blind German man?
Q: A not-see (Nazi).
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
You know why they call me 007?
0 girls.
0 chances.
7 restraining orders.
You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."
Fishing is like sex: when it is great, it is great; when it is not so great, it is still great!
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
What do you call a girl with no legs? Sarah.
What do you call an Olympic gold medalist skiing? Not Sarah.
I made Google Earth for orphan kids.
Sadly, it does not show where home is.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they do not know where home is.
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
Why do orphans not get family size [items]?
Because they don’t have a family to share with.
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.