Not jokes
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?
Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.
What is Hitler's favorite letter?
Not-Z.
Why does a woodpecker have a beak?
So as to not smash his head against the tree.
When the quiet kid tells you not to go to school the next day, but your mom makes you go anyway.
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
Did you hear the gossip about butter? Never mind, I butter not spread it...
Why should you not let an orphan play baseball?
They don’t know where home is. 😢
My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Not Sally.
Why is it called scissoring and not lip-syncing?
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”
Gay jokes are not funny, CUM on guys!
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
A cop pulls a man over and finds out he's drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says, "Can I see your flashlight?"
The cop says, "Just give me your license and registration." So drunk guy says, "Not until you give me your flashlight."
The cop said, "For what?" and the drunk guy says, "So I can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like."
What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.