Not jokes

Did you hear the gossip about butter? Never mind, I butter not spread it...

Why should you not let an orphan play baseball?

They don’t know where home is. 😢

It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.

Most foresters have a wooden personality.

Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?

Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.

Why does a woodpecker have a beak?

So as to not smash his head against the tree.

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.

If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.

Why did the roster cross the road twice?

To prove it was not a chicken.

People say that Pakistan is a terrorist nation...

Guys, it's not true, even Osama bin Laden lived there peacefully for 6 years.

I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.

I’m a faux pa.

"White people can't jump..."

"You must not have seen the Twin Towers on 9/11."

Why do white people own a lot of pets?

Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.

My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.

I actually want peace, not war.

That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.

Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."

This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"

Gay jokes are not funny, CUM on guys!

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.