Why did the skeleton not cross the road?
Because it did not have the guts.
Not Jokes
What do you get when you mix an apple with water... applesauce. Wait, do not leave yet. If you are still reading this, you have been rekt, ha ha. At least I am still laughing.
What do you call a Down syndrome kid who has been physically abused by older teenagers and her parents for a total of 16 years and has red marks all over their body?
Not funny because Down syndrome jokes aren't funny ;)
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
Do not sort... that's bad... *sigh in depression*
Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.
Lucky they're only balls, not real balls!
Yo forehead is so freaking big, but not bigger than my BBC. 😏
A Chinese drug dealer said to me, "Do you like my cocaine?"
I replied, "Not since he starred in Zulu."
Why do midgets have to wear a green bright jacket when crossing the road?
Because they will get turned into a pancake even more.
It's not funny, I know.
Yo mama so stupid, she brought weed to the highway. Then she realized, "I'm not stupid, I was just high as a bitch." She just got fucked so hard by her man, she thought she was high.
Why did the orphan chase the family? Because he was jealous that he did not have a family.
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
Q: Why did the boy not eat the banana?
A: He was scared the juice might come out.
I like my women thick, so if they aren't over 375 pounds, they're not stepping into my room.
What's black and at the top of a staircase?
Not Stephen Hawking.
Me: Imagine not having hair.
Kids: On chemo.
Bitch the fuck.
What is a dog that does not walk? A magic dog.
One night my brother asked me, "Am I a pro gamer?" I said, "No, you're not a Pro-grammer."
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.
Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."
"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with him?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"
