Not jokes

Anonymous: This guy reads everyone's jokes, but why doesn't he answer his mom?

Your hairline goes so far back, your mom is scared you're not going to make friends.

You hear that? That’s the sound of me not caring.

Jack is a ugly meany who’s not going to my birthday!

Humor is like food, not everybody gets it.

I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.

A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”

I said, “Well, which one are you then?”

If the sun is in space, then why is there light on Earth, but not in space?

Why can't white people go to Blackpool? Cuz they're not black.

I did not believe in COVID-19 until I saw your teeth social distancing.

The towers collapsed on 9/10, not 9/11.

Why did the sick juice tree go to the hospital? Because it needed lemin-ade (not the cool type of sick, the one where you are in the hospital). Lemin-ade 1st ade.

Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"

I was at a funeral. I kissed a hot girl I did not know. She was the one that died.

I remember you. You used to be an ash.

I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.

Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?

Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."

Therapist: That's not so bad.

Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."

Guys, don’t suck your own dick, it does not feel like your dick is being sucked, it feels like you're sucking a dick.

What's gayer than a gangbang in a man sex ring?

Not slapping the ass at Hooters.

I play with balls. Not me, the girl that was "playing something."

I'm great!! I'm good. I'm doing good hahaha. I mean "well" haha! Haha I'm doing well, not good! Haha I'm not doing good! I'm not doing so good.

After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,

Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"