Not jokes
So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.
Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.
Anyways, she cried lol.
Why can’t Sally hang herself?
She does not have arms.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like everyone else in the plane.
What is a tree that does not exist?
A money tree.
What do you get when you mix an apple with water... applesauce. Wait, do not leave yet. If you are still reading this, you have been rekt, ha ha. At least I am still laughing.
Memes
Why did the skeleton not cross the road?
Because it did not have the guts.
What do you call a Down syndrome kid who has been physically abused by older teenagers and her parents for a total of 16 years and has red marks all over their body?
Not funny because Down syndrome jokes aren't funny ;)
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
I like my women thick, so if they aren't over 375 pounds, they're not stepping into my room.
What's black and at the top of a staircase?
Not Stephen Hawking.
Why do midgets have to wear a green bright jacket when crossing the road?
Because they will get turned into a pancake even more.
It's not funny, I know.
Do not sort... that's bad... *sigh in depression*
Yo forehead is so freaking big, but not bigger than my BBC. 😏
Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.
Lucky they're only balls, not real balls!
A Chinese drug dealer said to me, "Do you like my cocaine?"
I replied, "Not since he starred in Zulu."
Why did the orphan chase the family? Because he was jealous that he did not have a family.
Yo mama so stupid, she brought weed to the highway. Then she realized, "I'm not stupid, I was just high as a bitch." She just got fucked so hard by her man, she thought she was high.
Q: Why did the boy not eat the banana?
A: He was scared the juice might come out.
Me: Imagine not having hair.
Kids: On chemo.
Bitch the fuck.